Hmm

Well to start, i think I'm kinda a nerd because i love to read, but really I'm quite well-rounded i like nature and trying new things but i am comforted by tradition. i unfortunately married at the wrong time to the Wrong guy and now i am getting divorced i bear him very little ill will. and maybe that makes me a door mat though i don't think so, I'm just being considerate i mean he lost his wife and never sees his son he is homeless and friendless.
that's gotta suck. so yea i try to be nice. i love holidays any of them i like to give to people and help them whenever i can. I miss my best friend Ashlei like a constant ache. and even my parents and i kinda understand them now.
They meant Well.
I'm terrified because my sister is now pregnant and I'm not sure shes responsible enough for the baby plus her husband pisses me off to the point that i want to scream at him. i worry for her and her child.i hope she learns that i am here for here always. my parents told me not to get married,they were right they told me to stay with them get a job and go to community college if i had i wouldn't have my son but yes life would be easier and i know they were trying to save me some pain.
but leaving made me grow up in so many ways and i needed that to be who i am now. not to mention Knowing my wonderful son who i love so much.if i hadn't left i would have probably ended up with the guy i am now any way so i am glad that worked out. he is everything to me, he wants to see me happy and he is my heart he helps with my son, changing diapers giving baths feeding him and holding him when hes sad.
not to mention all the games they play. it was hard to accept his help for awhile my ex-husband never helped. i am glad i left him my life is still tough but i got rid of all the extra pain he caused, all the lies, the cheating, the beatings. i am a better person for my ordeal though i know it changed me in some bad ways like i got used to silence no friends no family to talk to its weird and scary to talk to them again.
but I'm trying because i love them and i know they would have helped if they knew they are all wonderful and amazing people and i hope i can repair my friendships with them. well i gotta stop rambling here :) and try to go to sleep. but i have one last thing to say. the world is tough and strange and beautiful and sad. but its amazing to be a part of and i wouldn't change it.